Dum Medium Silentium

So last Saturday, my boyfriend and I had a satnite date. He didn't let me know what he wore and how he dressed up. Until he got off the car, I noticed we both wore black and white outfits. We both wearing white tops, he put on his linen shirt and I put on my white oversized t-shirt. Then, he put his black jeans on and I put on my black mini skirt (a bit shimmering since the materials were the blend of leather, spandex, and polyester). Awn, we also put on our black footwear. He had his black sport shoes while I had my black high heels on. When he came closer to me, I vividly remember that he grabbed and kissed my hand gently. I received his compliment with excitement and contentment. He said, "You look more and more beautiful, Mi Amor."  Merci beaucoup, Mon amour.  The credit goes to my Grandma and Mom 🤍

I often feel it was so hurtful to taste bitter things with people I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Then I realized, when I looked back, I was also the pain, the bitterness, the wound for lots of people. Maybe one day, sooner or later, each of us will grow up, be a better version of ourselves, no more victim mindset, no more blaming, no more hurting. Sooner or later, when we meet, we have forgiven, put aside all the drama, pride, and ego. We're only human, the miniscule spot in an enormous and infinite universe. Let's heal from all chaos, let's live a better life presently, now, at this moment, so when we look back in the future, it would be a good memory, a walk to remember. Let's be more into peace. Let's celebrate more enjoyment. Let's weep for contentment that lies within our mind, heart, and soul. For loving is eternity. Let's stay sane and healthy too. Let's learn to love as human, from human, for human.  It was so touching to have

I pray, I think, I write, I decide, I execute, I bounce back, I change, I study, I create, I lead, I share, I teach, I support, I shine, I smile, I love, I appreciate, I learn to rest, I shop, I dress well, I speak with clear intention, I listen, I work collaboratively, I stick to commitment, I receive abundance, I live fully - gracefully - peacefully, I believe, repeat, therefore I am. What the hands do, the mind remembers.

I am grateful for what has sent and granted to me: the healthy skin, bright eyes, blooming smile, longer hair, moist lips, shiny and natural nails, stronger body, cheerful and growth mindset, abundance in money, great support system, peaceful nights to rest and hectic days to live fully. I love what I'm looking through the mirror - it's myself getting ready to hit the hay and wearing my one of favorite sabrina pink dresses cause when I wake up I wanna feel that I'm gonna waking up like princess who's always excited to prepare the healthy daily meals. I love you Mutiah, and alhamdulillah Allah is always protecting and guiding me. This is the love letter to myself and I celebrate each time I find myself again. I keep moving forward for I was born for something greater beyond my imagination 🤍 insya Allah 

Welcoming October with peace, tranquility, new hope with a better agony and willingness to be the better version of myself every single day, with love, awakening, and justice. Bismillah. The only thing I know about myself is that I'm tough enough to dive deeper for something much bigger.  Yesterday on Monday I complete the intensive workshop and final practical exam, and I pass. I vividly remember how i react after my examiners officially announced the results, they told me I can go and make a move. Learning is a playground time for me, it's a refreshment moment to reflect and design things new not only for me but at least for my teaching team and the community where I'm living with. So I shout merrily, hugging everyone there and trust me, it wasn't a piece of cake to step out of the class. I could recall the smell of the materials and their spirit will always be kept in my mind, heart, and soul. I'll be having my final written exam next year, when the long winter i

I cannot start the next chapter of my life if I keep rereading the last one. I turn the page.  I smile, not burn.

Everyone has the right to choose their way of life. It sounds personal, and it has to. I do believe we choose one to build and sharpen our purpose. Choosing one and moving forward without looking back requires courage and no regret. The journey might be long, tough, fun, messy, uncertain, and colorful. The misery is beyond our imagination. To be able to choose amongst other options and stories means a privilege. It could be given or earned. I need to burn the midnight oil to earn one. It's like labor. I could be ecstatic at the beginning, and to keep going I will deal with monotonous efforts. What makes me strong enough to never stop trying is discipline. This is the habit I need to adopt to be at peace, be mindful, be communicative in expressing what I desire and dislike, observe, set boundaries, and find myself again. Defining the purpose of life can be clear and blurry. It may change as we grow. It is up to me (and us) to let it be relevant to the current situation, to let it fa

We endured the bitter-sweet of relationships, with ourselves, our family, our friends, our better half, our colleagues, even with the political system that seems unwell lately. These relationships could be labyrinthine for those who close their minds, hearts, and souls for changes. It is meant to balance the power of trust, honesty, respect, openness, affection, and boundaries. To be in relationships, we need endurance to build healthy relationships. The pressure comes after experiencing tortuous relationships. To be in healthy ones means to commit to relearn, to let go, and to make peace with multiple possibilities. One thing is certain, a journey. We wonder what would happen if the journey were also an anagram? *** The journey will never lie as it becomes one jury to give a verdict on what we witness or to judge a selected competition with one's self in the past Journey speaks about purpose the prop we use to communicate  and to pass on the value of life We took  one step to tas

I felt good when I took care of myself, exercised three or four times a week, ate good food especially with more protein, got along with a peaceful night's rest, and completed the unceasing daily workload. I am proud of myself because my self-worth stays in me, in my mind, in my heart, in my soul, and in my prayer. Something that went well today as I attempted to prepare and edit the backsound for a puppet show that will be held on this Friday. I had fun when I read a book with no one interrupting me, when I prepared my lunch box, when I met new people in a forum of learning, when I went for shopping, when I wrote poems, when I photographed people with my camera, when I talked to my parents and sister - close friends - my bebe, when I watched movies, and when I swam. Being grateful even in the hardest moments in life makes me unique. Not to overshare things to people and being more selective in supporting ohers helped me to learn that adulting is not that simple.  I felt strong whe

Lovely things come and go But at least they come Bitter things come and go  But at least they go

I frankly speaking have no idea what to write since the time for doing it is limited. I supposed to hit the hay earlier and tomorrow's gonna be Monday. It simply means I need to wake up early preparing my lunch box. You know ever since I prepared food by myself, it helps me to regulate many things. I try to build awareness as well of what I need to consume daily. From November 2023 until today, it gives a huge impact to my health and I start to have less hair fall.  It improves my skin and have less fatigue even if I need to workout with high pump. The only two concerns I need to pay attention to are having a better endurance in concentrating especially I'm gonna have my intensive workshop before the last exams plus time to rest at night.  There are things that still bother me. People sometimes tend to comment on things when they shouldn't. I bet some of us are familiar with the term of unsolicited advice. Why we don't attempt to listen more instead of talk more. Yes ex

Lately I've been thinking about me being so dependent to my Creator, Allah. Prayers for me are a constant dialog between me and Him. Allah for me is everything. He has the role as parents to me, a psychologist, a friend, a leader, a brother and a sister, a colleague, a teacher, a lover, a neighbor, a business partner, a peer in a class, a good listener, and many more. Whenever I face challenges, I will treat myself like a spoiled girl talking to Him, begging for His guidance and support that I couldn't do it by myself. It doesn't stop here, I also wanna be greedy in terms of begging to grant me unceasing blessings. In this dialogue, I've learned that praising Allah is parts of the dialogue. So, not only taking prayers five times a day, but also to treat myself better in each day. By reciting prayers/mantras , I do believe it would become energy, not only to wash away the fatigue but also boost the awareness that I'm capable to bounce back. So these are the main pray

I am grieving today after experiencing uneasy moments. It happened yesterday. Being ignorance somehow could create other unanticipated issues. It is quite hard to keep myself sane. I feel like I have unaccomplished mission, to protect myself you name it.  I stepped out looking for fresh air in the hope to help me feeling better. I strolled around the neighborhood for 30 mins. Let's say I was doing a 30 mins exercise. I looked up and the skies are bright, it's a full moon night. As if an empress, her moonbeam felt so soft, tender, and gentle. I stumble upon it. I couldn't take my eyes over the empress. Moongazing made me a girl who couldn't be moved.  Indeed I need to detach from drowning into the depth of unenjoyment. I need to wake up, get up, and live the days fully as soon as possible. Excitement and sadness will always come and become the colors of our lives. It keeps spinning up and down accordingly. Just like a wheel, each turn will take us to places we never know

8 Dhu'l-Hijjah, 2 days before 10 Dhu'l-Hijjah a.k.a. the Idul Adha day, was my birthday according to the Arab calendar. I didn't notice the date until my Mom rang and reminded me. It was a blessing to be able to celebrate my 31st birthday. Compared to the Gregorian calendar, the Arab calendar is 11 days shorter each year. I am 30 years old according to the Gregorian calendar, which means there are 330 days gap between my birthday in Gregorian and Arab Calendar.  Let me share what I did on my 31st birthday. So I had a fun date with my boyfriend. Early in the morning, he woke me up by phone. As usual, he recalled my first impression after waking up. I would buzz like a bee and he knew it was a complaint of why I had to wake up in the morning, especially on the weekend. He told me that he would pick me up for a date. He asked me to dress nicely but also casually.  With my eyes half closed, I showed him the green maxi dress I would wear. It was approved by him and the next duty

I was having a brief and light conversation with my boyfriend about how to create more memorable stories, create sparks in our relationship, and make better plans for our future. What I deeply appreciate about him is that he never ceases making plans for us as if he knows exactly where we're going, the potential issues we are going to face, how to cope with hard conversations, and many more. Reassurance, emotional support, and acts of service speak louder than just words. In lieu of the conversation, we had opposite points of view on how we would build healthy relationships and bondings in marriage while each of us is trying our best to achieve our goals. In addition, I am aware of his endeavors to listen more, to be more transparent in making decisions, to welcome discussions, to work collaboratively, and to articulate what we feel and what we think about assertively. We want to find the best route that could accommodate our needs in particular. There was a funny moment when I sud

Everyone basically has opportunities to learn something new every day. They learn to get a new skill or to let go of what doesn't belong to them. The cycle comes and goes. Learning something new is not only a shortcut to improve one's life, but also to make one's meaningful, and their presence could make the simplest form of change.  I was once asked about the skills I have other than teaching. I confidently responded to them that I have enough skills in writing, photography, and cooking. While doing my responsibilities in the class, I value the three areas will be beneficial for me in professionalism. I have unlimited resources to access them if one day, I could only choose one area to support me for a living.  As an individual who has to make a move every day, I see learning as a potential way that brings us to become more selfless. We can learn new things every day as long as we have the courage and willingness to be a beginner. A beginner carries honesty since they have

J'ai trente ans cette année . Welcoming myself into the Club 30 holds a lot more significance. Celebrating a birthday doesn't mean cutting the cake and making a wish merely. Birthday reminds me of the journey I've been through. It also reminds me of growing older and becoming mature. One more thing, a birthday becomes important to celebrate my existence, that I'm alive, that I create and innovate, that I hug all my dreams, and that I let the Universe conspire in supporting me. I am grateful for what I have achieved and what I have not so far. I am always ready to let go of what is not meant to me and to receive the abundance sent to me.  Today I am celebrating my birthday in silence, not because I am alone. I decided to because I want to appreciate my energy and my inner peace. It's a humble birthday celebration by preparing healthy food and juice. People would ask about my parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, and boyfriend. They sent me heart-warming and sweet m

 I actually have a lot to share, but my energy would be insufficient to share things at a time. The only solution I could do for now iw to regulate my expectation, my energy, and set the priority. Soon, I'll be back. Spending 24 hours a day will never be enough to juggle from one task to the other ones. And I will always to choose to be kind to myself. Wise men said your body is your temple, that's true. 

I planned to write a brief note about Kartini Day that we celebrated on 21st April, 2024. And yes, please wait until I gained my energy back so I will be able to write it peacefully 🤍

Next month, I'm going to turn 30. For me, it's a special number. I'm growing older, wiser, better. Living in my 20's means living for ambitions. I was afraid of doing nothing, waking up late on the weekdays, didn't have a lot to earn, had so little on my plate, being afraid not to choose to be stronger, being afraid not to take risks, being resilience when I fail, being afraid to love with no red flags, and many more. But this cheerful girl in fact was consumed by the lack of capability to deal with her stress language.  As the time goes by, from flight phase, to fawn phase, and keeping moving to freeze phase, I could feel the pain is real and I'm close to reality. From flight phase, I used to avoid the stress, I was afraid of people who looked for me. From fawn phase, I used to please people, I would do anything to make people happy as long as they never leave me. And from freeze phase, I used to confuse to decide what to do when the stress slapped my face that

What the eye sees, the heart remembers So I destroy my sight to set free my heart Peace covered the earth, from one end to another Oceans need no more shores to make one swims yonder I pull better not harder The rope seems understanding and obedient Poison somehow must be taken as a lesson Ugliness must be valued as it is good Absence must be accepted Lamentation brings patience and endurance Love sets no more fire nor flood but only faith that's unconfined Palembang, 2024

:Vin Elk, Ars Magna, & Lady Loved* Lately, I have enjoyed writing a lot. Writing worked on me the way Dumbledore did while he was in Penseive, so he could experience his memories through other perspectives. He uses it to siphon the excess thoughts from his mind, pour them into the basin, and examine them at leisure. Writing has helped me to untangle my mind, examine what to deliver, communicate the messages verbally and non-verbally, and reflect on how this writing will evoke certain emotions or moods. Writing becomes the mirror that provides insight into who I am, what I desire, what I experience, what I value, and what I am not into. Writing becomes the language that deliberates my inner peace. On another level, writing could answer the quest that dwells in my mind.  I am glad to share what is significant for me right now. Being loved by the right person and people is heaven, and so is being respected, prioritized, supported, desired, and understood. The right person and people I

Predisposing* Pipiku memerah tatkala kau menempelkan sepasang pipimu bergantian Ada lubang yang dangkal namun melengkung, membikin senyummu menjadi rahasia paling manis di tahun ini Aku berkelana, menyisir hutan yang melingkari alismu Angin yang sejuk turun dari kelopak mata, mendesir di sela-sela penglihatan yang belum juga mengabur bahkan ketika kantuk menjadi bahasa untuk semua cinta   Tak ada buah yang matang di usia kita ketika memasuki musim panen Buah yang merah pernah merekah di lipatan bibirmu, manis dan basah Daun yang hijau terlambat menguning dan gugur menuruni lipatan yang sempit di dada Meski telah kau kubur berbagai musim dalam setahun penuh di perutmu, kenangan yang menyalakan api di sekitar perkemahan malam hari terus terang, menjaga sumbu yang kecil di ujung jari, memercikkan bisikan-bisikan mungil hingga mengalir di sepanjang kolam kehidupan Ucapmu, airnya bermuara ke nadi, jalur yang lebih panjang dari lintasan ekspor impor   Maka, di hari-hari yang terasa singkat A

2024 becomes a new chapter for almost everyone who chooses to stand tall amongst the sorrows, the tears, the loath, the love, the joy, the cheers, the sacrifices, the sincerity, the tranquility, and not forget to mention the commitment over losing and winning. Minutes become hours, and hours turn into days, weeks, and months, which means there will always be new experiences.  It's still in the second week of March, and people come and go. There are oodles things to learn to support the growth and minimize the fear. Every step is watched and every move is made. And I am still here, to be grateful for my Dad's latest health condition that shows improvement, and for the return of my beloved man to Jakarta from his country. Both of them were battling one of their most uneasy fights. Little did I know of their struggles for I was not in that arena yet. But as a woman who genuinely values their efforts, I learned to not give up, put myself together, and allow the sun to rise in my ey

:K It's going to be five months soon, this 2nd March. To rekindle is to redefine what cheers our spirit up. We redefine what reunion is all about after in silence manifesting the abundance for ourselves, yup I meant for me and him. Our reunion is far from lovey-dovey. It's more of being available for each other anytime one needs support. People might think we are rekindling to pay off the lust and to create a greater flame in our hearts. The fact is that the flame stays the same, it shines not burns.  I am much obliged to the man who keeps the red roses spring in my heart, yet June hasn't come. Each time he reassured me that new days were coming. The contentment is everlasting, the joy is in the air. He asked, "Can you feel the difference? My heartbeat, the walls, and the words I was trying to tell you, all are rhyming together in tune. They speak melody. I sing for you. I have been waiting for you in my arms."  To the man who stares into my eyes in awe, we're

 Dear my love, Kelvin, please accept my deep condolence on the loss of your beloved sister and beloved grandma this year.  We never been taught how to understand the loss of our loved ones: father, sister, and granny. The grief can be particularly intense. It is accepted as natural part of life with shock, confusion, and also sadness. Grieving becomes significant to welcome those feelings and to continue to embrace the time we had with our loved ones.  I genuinely appreciate your personal willingness to share what you feel. Let's go hand in hand with this wide range of emotions. This sad news can be the most uneasy challenge we face. It also can be the remembrance to honor them. I am thinking about you who are experiencing restlessness, tightness in the chest, and breathlessness.  We don't miss our father, our sister, and our granny. It's not a goodbye for they always stay here, with us in our hearts with love and peace. We will continue the bond we had with our loved ones

Kepada K. Aku mencitaimu sepanjang sinar bulan yang membulat sampai ke bumi tanpa dipantulkan ulang cahayanya. Air menggenang di tanah tapi hujan tertampung di kaca jendela. Langit berawan, namun bintang mengerdip, begitu genit berkelindan di balik matamu. Aku ingin mendaki ke atas bulan, memanjatkan hal-hal mustahil sambil memegang erat pergelangan tanganmu. Bawa saja aku, bahkan ketika kau sedang bermimpi, menghidupkan ulang harapan yang terpotong menjadi tersambung, satu-persatu, juga begitu pelan. Di perjalanan yang tidak begitu singkat, kita berkelana, mengarungi banyak kelok, jatuh dan tergelincir, menyasar hingga menemukan petunjuk dengan mengikuti kemana garis tanganmu menyebar. Tatkala garis itu terpotong, kita bergegas dengan menukik ke arah tebing yang masih hijau. Ucapmu, "Udara menjadi segar begitu kita senantiasa bersama." Maka kuikat kedua lenganku di pundakmu. Aku berdoa sejenak, bahwa meski bencana melanda, kita masih bisa berenang dan berpegangan lebih erat