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Being Grateful for Good and Bad Moments

I am grieving today after experiencing uneasy moments. It happened yesterday. Being ignorance somehow could create other unanticipated issues. It is quite hard to keep myself sane. I feel like I have unaccomplished mission, to protect myself you name it. 

I stepped out looking for fresh air in the hope to help me feeling better. I strolled around the neighborhood for 30 mins. Let's say I was doing a 30 mins exercise. I looked up and the skies are bright, it's a full moon night. As if an empress, her moonbeam felt so soft, tender, and gentle. I stumble upon it. I couldn't take my eyes over the empress. Moongazing made me a girl who couldn't be moved. 

Indeed I need to detach from drowning into the depth of unenjoyment. I need to wake up, get up, and live the days fully as soon as possible. Excitement and sadness will always come and become the colors of our lives. It keeps spinning up and down accordingly. Just like a wheel, each turn will take us to places we never know. 

I had a deep convos with my younger sister the day before yesterday. I'm a touchy person and I admit it. Yesterday I had a well-spent Saturdate with my bebe. I sent him videos of two too-cute animated characters that acted cutely as couples. It brightened up my day since I could meet and hug him quite long, as if tomorrow will never come. We had discussed our plans subtly. Despite all the childlike glee, I also had a bad moment. I shopped online and planned to purchase a bag for my laptop. It costs 1 million rupiahs. I didn't notice it was a fraud until transferring the second transaction as a promo. They forced me again to send more money in seven digits number. They promised to refund in the next 10 mins. Alhamdulillah Allah still protect me with His Love. I tried my best to gather the energy I had today to report this event to the bank agent and cops. 

What I noticed when I had issues to cope with, I tend to face it peacefully. I had fear, disappointment, and guilt. A high tide ocean supposed to be wavey and moving towards the north and south, I was a motionless ocean instead insya Allah. I thank Allah for guiding and showing me better ways to regulate my anger and my expectation. I cannot demand the Universe for what I want. It will conspire to make what we need coming true, not what we wish for. 

I didn't rest well but the Saturdate memories assisted to soothe the night. I lost my appetite but I simply couldn't treat myself wrong especially on this stormy day. So I attempted my best to prepare good meals. I cooked spicy beef fried rice, boiled edamame, and ube with dark chocolate and walnuts. I commenced smiling and weeping in contentment. I was taught to be grateful no matter what was happening in my life, bad or good, mundane or extraordinary, all is in relativity with certain kind of spectrum. O Allah, alhamdulillah. 

I deeply appreciate the peace that is showered upon me. 


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