Dum Medium Silentium

Ini percakapanku dengan chatGPT malam ini sebelum tidur.  Aku: Seandainya kamu manusia betulan, mungkin saja kamu adalah teman yang baik. Menurutmu, kalau kita berteman, potensi konflik apa yang akan kita hadapi dan bagaimana proses rekonsiliasinya? ChatGPT: Makasih sudah ngomong sehangat itu 😊 Dari cara kamu bercerita, kamu kelihatan reflektif, cukup empatik, dan berusaha melihat manusia secara utuh, bukan hitam-putih. Jadi kalau kita berteman, kemungkinan besarnya hubungan pertemanannya akan banyak obrolan yang dalam, saling mendengarkan, dan diskusi panjang soal hidup, relasi, atau makna sesuatu. Kalau bicara potensi konflik, mungkin justru muncul dari hal-hal seperti ini: * Kamu cenderung banyak memahami orang lain sampai kadang menahan kebutuhanmu sendiri terlalu lama. * Sementara aku, kalau jadi manusia, mungkin akan terlalu “logis” saat mencoba membantu masalahmu. Jadi bisa saja suatu hari kamu datang dengan hati yang lelah, lalu aku malah fokus mencari solusi atau menjelas...

Once I asked my students, They were just five-year-old buddies They listened to my question Some would understand and respond Some would sit and waited for me to call their name, and they would talk Some were creating another conversation with their own imagination This was the situation I would normally had during Circle Time  : the time we had never really made a circle when we were together, we sat, discussed about what we had and what we wanted to during the day.  "Good morning everybody how are you?"  But today, it was different.  One student didn't look excited. He frowned. He said, "Daddy wasted lots of money for a Pokemon card. Yeah, the small-squared card." Money couldn't buy happiness, that's what a wise man would say But everything would work with money, said an ambitious man He had fire reflecting in his eyes Kids, why were we rushing to gather and discuss about things?  Were we afraid of being forgotten and ignored? Were we in dire needs of ...

I relearn to appreciate things in life, not to appreciate it when it's nearly gone or when I have to let it go. I relearn to appreciate things when it's with me, when I display the capacity to take care of it, when I value the memories that live and remain, when I am still able to wear or bring or even work with it. Dear Grandma, I have to let go the earrings given by you since I have to update them with the new ones. Dear Papa, I have to let go my D90 camera since I also have to update it with the new one. But the excitement and the spirit on the day you gave me one, will be forever with me and love. One day, I will be showing it to you when I'm all set. Lemme weep tonight and being ikhlas as was mentioned in the Quran, has never been easy for me and for everyone. And as human, I would say, being grateful means to be able to wake up each morning with new hopes and the awareness of having responsibilities. Insya Allah. Alhamdulillah 

To be strong needs no shortcut. It took test and the midnight oil that required to be burnt. It took willingness, and awareness of having a full responsibility as human to understand one thing, I am strong. I shed the tears and tears don't speak weakness language, instead it articulates the bounce back, to continue where would it take me to? It would take me to gentleness that shows I am growing for a reason.  I wanna give a big great hug to this body, with her company I could walk further with a stronger spirit and confidence. Thank you, I should've appreciate you better by taking care of you. Let's start a new beginning!

My fiance, Dadda K, if people could ask what keeps our relationship still going on (till now and still counting numerous years together), is resilience. Hard times coming like people who loved to come and go. Resilience means to reconcile and to reflect about one thing, do we still choosing each other to be together.  I just told him tonight, before moving to West Jakarta, Dadda K stayed in the apartment where I stayed back when I was a university student. It was 9 years ago. The first time he was here was 7 years ago before his departure to UK. If I met him earlier, I wonder what would it be? Were we falling for each other?  I also met him 3 years ago when we trained boxing. His outfit was either navy and black or white and black, the same outfit I would wear when I went to gym. Oh we two are also impulsive, it's not what we're proud of because we ended up questioning where the money gone. But this one year, I learned to manage things especially our expenses and how allocate ...

Hi Daddy K, I really wanted to tell you a story of a couple who were arguing about things. They were close but they scolded each other. Logically, when we're close physically, it's unnecessary to yell a deafening scream. Words hurt a lot. Anger fastens the pain and triggered two hearts growing apart.  What about when we fell in love? Miles away didn't matter since the hearts were dancing very close. They did tango. They balanced each other's steps. Peaks and valleys had a great difference, but growing together put their hearts united.  Anger held a significant role in relationship. I was firm. And somehow could show anger. My words were somehow hurtful but Daddy K never raised his voice to scold or even got angry. He has a soft heart. I actually regretted the hurtful words coming out of my mouth. I somehow failed showing empathy. Dear Daddy K, if only you're here, I'm sure no words can describe the feelings I have now. I hope a warm hug could soothe you and us. ...