Dum Medium Silentium

To be strong needs no shortcut. It took test and the midnight oil that required to be burnt. It took willingness, and awareness of having a full responsibility as human to understand one thing, I am strong. I shed the tears and tears don't speak weakness language, instead it articulates the bounce back, to continue where would it take me to? It would take me to gentleness that shows I am growing for a reason.  I wanna give a big great hug to this body, with her company I could walk further with a stronger spirit and confidence. Thank you, I should've appreciate you better by taking care of you. Let's start a new beginning!

My fiance, Dadda K, if people could ask what keeps our relationship still going on (till now and still counting numerous years together), is resilience. Hard times coming like people who loved to come and go. Resilience means to reconcile and to reflect about one thing, do we still choosing each other to be together.  I just told him tonight, before moving to West Jakarta, Dadda K stayed in the apartment where I stayed back when I was a university student. It was 9 years ago. The first time he was here was 7 years ago before his departure to UK. If I met him earlier, I wonder what would it be? Were we falling for each other?  I also met him 3 years ago when we trained boxing. His outfit was either navy and black or white and black, the same outfit I would wear when I went to gym. Oh we two are also impulsive, it's not what we're proud of because we ended up questioning where the money gone. But this one year, I learned to manage things especially our expenses and how allocate ...

Hi Daddy K, I really wanted to tell you a story of a couple who were arguing about things. They were close but they scolded each other. Logically, when we're close physically, it's unnecessary to yell a deafening scream. Words hurt a lot. Anger fastens the pain and triggered two hearts growing apart.  What about when we fell in love? Miles away didn't matter since the hearts were dancing very close. They did tango. They balanced each other's steps. Peaks and valleys had a great difference, but growing together put their hearts united.  Anger held a significant role in relationship. I was firm. And somehow could show anger. My words were somehow hurtful but Daddy K never raised his voice to scold or even got angry. He has a soft heart. I actually regretted the hurtful words coming out of my mouth. I somehow failed showing empathy. Dear Daddy K, if only you're here, I'm sure no words can describe the feelings I have now. I hope a warm hug could soothe you and us. ...

To my fiancé, thank you for being a strong man even when hard times still hit that hard. Your 'cegil' is so proud of you. Dear Dadda K, to be with you has taken me to love myself more. Thank you for being gentle and listening to me and us. I have never felt less as a woman because I finally found my real power. Through the peaks and valleys, through the lengthy journey, I do believe the right train will never pass us by. In this horse year, let's be more kind to each other. Let kindness be the beginning of our story. Dear Daddy K, there were moments I might be afraid of losing us. The worries somehow spiraling. At the end I have to decide and take an action of not letting the hassle consuming me more. The peace, positivity, and tenderness are greater. This morning I looked at myself through the mirror. I asked, "who is this girl I see?" It instantly brought me back to you. I am loved, and your actions are the living proof. It's not only a love letter. I wrote ...

Yes it's true, it's still a house not yet a home. Even if it's still a house, moving from 1 house to another house is somehow challenging. I'm so proud of myself to be able to handle it even if I need to taste the stress a bit. Thank you Svarna Sutera, you've been so kind to us these 2 years. From a peaceful place to a bit crowded one, and that's ok. We created tons of memorable memories, now let's create more Dadda K. I should tell us this because I know we have the capability to create millions. Dadda K, I can see the smile in your eyes today, and that's because my uncle also helped us to uninstall and reinstall. Dear Dadda K, the more we move forward the more I want to be closer. Yes this is an attachment. But I hope, it's a positive one. Amiin. When we grow grey, I wonder what our conversation will be, will it be supporting, will it be encouraging? You know Dadda K, one thing for sure. I'm gonna be a talkative life partner. Why? Because I car...

I miss my longer hair. It was my third time's of having a longer hair. But the hair fall is unmanageable so I had to decide to have it trimmed. That's because I was handling lots of stress too and that's ok. It was approved by Dadda K. He said do what makes me happy. Lol, actually I know why he said that. Thats because he barely know how to respond about choosing the longer one or shorter one. And by the way, he loved it too. I want to start to have my hair dyed. I want it dark blue. Let's see am I able to make it come true since I spend the whole day with kids. Maybe the institution in where I work will allow me to dye my hair dark blue. If not, that's also ok, not a big deal tho. I want to be gentle to myself, I want to have less heartburn. I want to have less stress and worry. I want to surrender, ask for His guidance after doing my best, insya Allah.