Dum Medium Silentium

Today I was sad a little bit. I wept for several hours. Then, I read Quran, the only thing that could distract me from streaming the tears. I was exhausted.  I nearly skipped my dinner and drank less water. But I remember I could get reflux if I did it, I'll recover for a long time. I looked myself through the mirror. Damn, I looked terribly miserable, the look I loathed since I paid more to take care of myself. I question who I am, is this what I wanna be and do till rest of my life. I prayed to Allah to always guide me, shower me with love, and grant me peace and contentment.  So I gather my remaining energy to eat dinner, drink more water, and take shower. I was happy since today I was able to buy cute hair accessories, colorful, come with different size, with pattern and different fabric each.  I also bought coconut body butter. It smells good and softening. So I unboxed some of the hair clip. I chose the purple one, it worked by making me looked better. I put it on w...

Our Story It started in 2023, at a gym. We met as friends, training together and slowly getting to know one another. At the time, however, life had placed us on different paths, so we kept our distance and continued with our own lives. Five months passed. After a chapter in our lives had come to an end, our paths crossed again. This time, we were both in a different place—ready to talk, ready to listen, and perhaps ready to discover what had been waiting quietly between us. But I did not say yes immediately. My previous relationship had taught me that love should not simply be about feelings. It should also be about wisdom, commitment, respect, and the courage to be realistic. So, before beginning another relationship, I asked my father's blessing and perspective. It was the first time I had ever done so. His advice was simple: let the relationship grow naturally. Do not expect too much, but be realistic. Respect each other as partners. And if a man truly wants to build a life with...

It all started when I sat on the edge of my bed. The feeling of longing people I love, overflew me. I wanted to see my fiancé sleeping next to me, and when I wake up, I'll be getting up excitedly and say this, "Hey babe, we're married finally!" Lol. I also long for my Mum, her yummy food for breakfast that comforts my belly. I long for my Dad, who will check up on me every morning before I open my eyes. He will draw the curtain, turn off the AC, turn the light on, remove the blanket from my feet. I long for my sister who will cook the lunch spicy especially with her 'Padang sauce'. I long for my brother, who will ask new books to read but as soon as he open and read the first page, he will say, "This is hard. I'll take my time. Now, time to play." Lol This morning, behind my window, the glaring sun is dancing. The heart-warming rays hugs me tight. "Is this weekend? My back is aching. My body is aching all over. I still have a lot on my plate...

Katanya hujan sebentar lagi Memasuki musim yang basah juga berkabut Lalu dingin dan mendung berhari-hari Aku menyiapkan penampungan airnya lebih awal Bukan untuk musim yang menjatuhkan sumber air dari balik awan yang berat Melainkan hujan yang deras dari mataku Mata yang perih menatap ke depan Asap dan kabut menjadi samar Antara terbakar dan dibakar pun sama biasnya Dalam siaran tivi Juga media massa online Orang-orang berebut menyiarkan betapa kita digunduli dengan paksa Maka membaralah aku Api berkobar di tubuhku Sumbunya tersulut tiada terputus Percikannya dimulai dari nadi Kemudian, menjalar dalam ingatan Ia mencari jalan menuju lahan baru bagi kegagalan ekosistem, celah regulasi, dan kelalaian manusia Hujan sebentar lagi turun di hutan Namun ada yang lebih deras mengalir di sana: praktik tebang-bakar yang instan disusul daftar pasien ISPA yang antre di rumah sakit Kita lumpuh Penerbangan kacau Ketahanan pangan tinggal wacana Anak-anak mengemis udara segar Sudahkah kita cemas hari ...

What is the smallest item  we can find at home? Is it the teaspoon for teatime, the Aircon remote control, the keychain of the front door, the cubes of seasalt for cooking, the garlic powder in the kitchen drawer, or the dust on the spotless TV table? I wait for you to say yes You're drinking water after munching  unsalted potato chips 30 seconds have passed "Babe, it's us the smallest part. We're built by infinite atoms: proton, neutron, electron, and calculations from both perfection and imperfection. Our heart sometimes light and heavy, abi?" All my life I've been searchin' All my life I've been searchin' Now I find you I'm searchin' no more* Mr. Eazi's single - Legalize is on our Spotify We're heading home and the city lights are blinking Jakarta, July 2026

I own nothing. Literally nothing.  I neither own my clothes, nor my bags nor all the money in my account, nor the perfumes with the touch of exotic scent, nor the blanket that coats me with beautiful dreams and the solid hours of sleep, nor the stable signal from the wifi, nor the electricity that keeps my rooms cold and comfy nor the phone calls from Mom - Dad - fiancé - sister - brother - friends - colleagues - boss nor the journey I've been walked so far So why bother to be afraid of losing things when everything doesn't belong to me.  I own nothing, literally nothing.  Not even death which tastes bitter. Not even lost which fears me. So why it feels so heavy when things don't please me Do I even own my own feelings? I think but all of those things spiraling in my mind, I don't own it. What can I do was to be present, to acknowledge that I belong to something greater to my knowledge (that actually doesn't belong to me).