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Insya Allah

Next month, I'm going to turn 30. For me, it's a special number. I'm growing older, wiser, better. Living in my 20's means living for ambitions. I was afraid of doing nothing, waking up late on the weekdays, didn't have a lot to earn, had so little on my plate, being afraid not to choose to be stronger, being afraid not to take risks, being resilience when I fail, being afraid to love with no red flags, and many more. But this cheerful girl in fact was consumed by the lack of capability to deal with her stress language. 


As the time goes by, from flight phase, to fawn phase, and keeping moving to freeze phase, I could feel the pain is real and I'm close to reality. From flight phase, I used to avoid the stress, I was afraid of people who looked for me. From fawn phase, I used to please people, I would do anything to make people happy as long as they never leave me. And from freeze phase, I used to confuse to decide what to do when the stress slapped my face that hard. Regardless of what I was facing in the past, what matters now is I choose to be strong and standing tall with support and help from within and from people who sincerely love me. 


Poison shall never be poison. I remember how snake's venom could help people from ailments based on research. So there's always a fruitful lesson in any dangerous situations as long as I have trust that this too shall pass. That peace and ease comes together with hardness, insya Allah.

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