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Writing As A Love Language

:Vin Elk, Ars Magna, & Lady Loved*

Lately, I have enjoyed writing a lot. Writing worked on me the way Dumbledore did while he was in Penseive, so he could experience his memories through other perspectives. He uses it to siphon the excess thoughts from his mind, pour them into the basin, and examine them at leisure. Writing has helped me to untangle my mind, examine what to deliver, communicate the messages verbally and non-verbally, and reflect on how this writing will evoke certain emotions or moods. Writing becomes the mirror that provides insight into who I am, what I desire, what I experience, what I value, and what I am not into. Writing becomes the language that deliberates my inner peace. On another level, writing could answer the quest that dwells in my mind. 

I am glad to share what is significant for me right now. Being loved by the right person and people is heaven, and so is being respected, prioritized, supported, desired, and understood. The right person and people I am going to tell you are the ones whom I call home. I would not hesitate to feel secure, be sane, stay positive, and walk hand in hand to stay stronger together. Once one doesn't stay in survival mode, it means both parties are ready to develop. 

By writing, I am going to share what is essential and matters. The quest of what makes me who I am now becomes necessary. I think therefore I am, I reflect therefore I am, I develop therefore I am, I am growing therefore I am, I feel therefore I am.  The search would become a lifelong journey to endure. By writing, I am not going to tell everyone what's my name, what's my favorite food and drink, what I do for a living, where do I go on the weekend, what's my favorite color, what's my favorite song to sing. Instead, by writing I am going to communicate what prayers I was reciting when I was staying up late, how I woke up in the morning without setting the alarm, what I did first after waking up in the morning, why I choose to use real products to take a good care of myself, what kept me smiling all day long after the daily fatigue, who sincerely would flutter my heart with honest compliments even when I was too shy to show up, who would send me hugs - sugars - and everything that displayed kindness, what kept me to live in the moment consciously, which progress I should celebrate and the failures I shall embrace, what kept me being grateful when the only thing left is hope, what made me sit and do nothing when every little things push me to juggle, what kept me feel warm on the rainy days, which feelings that drove me to write and contemplate deeper, which verses that touched my soul, what made me appreciate beauty in the imperfections, what kept me going home for grounding and getting lost to places I barely knew for experiencing new journey, how I got the zeal to explore things beyond my imagination, what I need to avoid to secure my sanity emotionally and mentally, how I value love and wisdom in various moments, what I trust when not even in a single second I let everything that burdened my heart stayed, what resonates and aligns with my value when everything seem uncertain, what kept me walking on the weaker pace, what made me vulnerable and dare to discuss about it sheepishly, who supports me behind the scene, what made support system vital in every single day of my life, who I need to keep in my life, etc. 

This year talks a lot about me to choose unattachment. In my humble opinion, all of us have the potential to do things incorrectly and disappoint each other. Those who I trust the most are the ones who would shatter my illusion. Those who serve the pain on the table are the ones who should give me love. Those who give me words to be my confidant would be the ones to leave me sooner or later. And I should add in my life, I've met those with no words but to demonstrate the act of caring about me, the people who would genuinely support me in silence but by actions, the ones who chant prayers sincerely without expecting me to do the same thing in return. The courage to live life fully is best transformed from within and best scaffolded by the ones who dare to love.

I am home. My self-worth doesn't depend on how people define who I am. My self-worth will forever stay in me. I accept the pain, I will not deny to heal and I will truly follow the path to break the trauma. I do believe that my guardian angel, my ancestors, and my spirit will forever guide and protect me. May Allah and the Universe will always allow them to be by my side.

*Vin Elk, Ars Magna, and Lady Loved are anagrams

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