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Choosing The Way of Life for Affection and Tenderness

Everyone has the right to choose their way of life. It sounds personal, and it has to. I do believe we choose one to build and sharpen our purpose. Choosing one and moving forward without looking back requires courage and no regret. The journey might be long, tough, fun, messy, uncertain, and colorful. The misery is beyond our imagination.


To be able to choose amongst other options and stories means a privilege. It could be given or earned. I need to burn the midnight oil to earn one. It's like labor. I could be ecstatic at the beginning, and to keep going I will deal with monotonous efforts. What makes me strong enough to never stop trying is discipline. This is the habit I need to adopt to be at peace, be mindful, be communicative in expressing what I desire and dislike, observe, set boundaries, and find myself again.


Defining the purpose of life can be clear and blurry. It may change as we grow. It is up to me (and us) to let it be relevant to the current situation, to let it fall into place, to release what I cannot control, and to be open with the assistance of others. Being honest about needing help will not make me weak, it will take me to a new skill in collaborating. And I choose to be partnered with my man. He got my back when I was weary and feeling small. He attempts his best to take care of me and I learn to take care of him as well. 


I had to juggle from one task to another this week. Having a lack of sleep, mood swings, fatigue, and physical challenges in handling health issues are just some of the shades of life I have to cope with. This is going to be a new journey for me since I had surgery for wisdom tooth impaction. This latest experience was different because the oral surgeon who gave his hands to me was familiar with 2 to 6-year-old clients. So he was patient enough to handle me and all the fears faded away. 


The after-surgery was more challenging. I felt numbness around my mouth, bit the gauze to slow the bleeding, and when the anesthesia wore off, I had some pain and discomfort the whole day even after taking the painkillers and antibiotics. My mouth felt swollen. I thank God for sending me a gentleman. He initiated to come to see me, to hold and hug me, to comfort me in this stressful period. Being in his arms and listening to his heartbeats relaxed me. It was the best lullaby. I managed to take a nap. I gradually feel better and finally be able to say, "I miss you so much. Thank you for making me heard, seen, and wanted." 


To my gentleman, Mi Amor, my life has become more meaningful ever since you valued me and us with affection and tenderness. I thank you for opening up my eyes that I deserve to be loved for love. I thank you for putting aside your pride and ego when we had a misunderstanding. I thank you for choosing to walk hand in hand with me during the stormy days in particular. I thank you for working hard in making plans for us. I thank you for the mouthwatering and hot lamb stew. It is going to be our first year of togetherness. I cannot wait to have the next year, the next 10 years, the next 25 years, the next 50 years, and the next 75 years to celebrate us. Insya Allah. 


I need to keep my energy to face my Montessori intensive course and final exams, prepare the school reports, design the daily and weekly plan for term 2, conduct my additional classes, maintain my fitness at the gym, attend the coming treatments for my teeth, and buckle myself for a writing project. I promise to capture my gentleman's gorgeous smiles through my DSLR next time when we meet, sooner. Amen. Let this September lead us to heal and deepen our spirituality.


Nighty night, Mi Amor. 

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