Dum Medium Silentium

This is Sunday but it doesn't feel like Sunday. People said it's sunny day but for me it's gloomy. People were keen to gather with their loved ones, I'd love to, but I'm still digesting the emotions I welcomed today. What made being angry right now was different was that when I was furious, I resumed to be aware of the resource of the anger, was it from disappointment, rejection, abandonment, neglection, a cry for help, or myriad of other possibilities. I also found it hard synchronize the voice in my mind to what I witnessed that somehow people weren't capable to appreciate me. I thought, this anger was also triggered by my expectation that when I listened to people, they would listen to me in return. At this point, I forgot to set boundaries, to safe myself first, to comprehend that people are beyond my control, that it was necessary to regulate my expectation and reaction. The only headline that popped in my head was that I require to exclude myself, lock mys...

If there's something burdens me, I'll write it down and leave it on my notebook so I don't bother to carry it over and over. The issue I'm facing right now is health maintenance. I easily got exhausted by the physical activities that required my 100% presence. Being a teacher is a calling. Some other times, the honor I keep in my soul made me take the rest for granted. My body needs not only an 8 solid hours of sleep, but also a bunch of vitamins, organic jamu, gym that builds my fitness, and many more. Health doesn't come for free. When I wanted to rest, I would normally cut people off, and I would respond to few messages only.  I need to learn to rest. In professional environment,I know I did my best. And I will pray so that Allah will always grant me health as He's the one who will listen and conspire to do the rest.  Ya Allah, there were times the fatigue hugs me that tight till I have shortness of breath. And you're the only one who will always heal and...

Tell me about one thing that could become a new hope and motivation in 2025, a simple sentence I told myself today. Not many words I could tell unless intentionate and mindful. These are two words that hopefully will unwrap the miracle this year. Amen On the last week of January, we celebrate Isra' Miraj and also CNY. It's just a great moment to celebrate two big days in one week. And before that celebrations, my baby K and I had a triple date with my friends. We went to a restaurant and ate good food. But my friends had to leave earlier for dessert hunting nearby and we promised to catch up. When we were about to go, I grabbed my bag and dropped my phone at the same time. I tried to make a phone call and locate where my friends were. Unfortunately the phone failed to be on. I was panicking a bit but K tried to check and charge it in the hope it would be ok.  He took me to a phone service center. We went there by foot, lol. It was fun. We'd never been there before. Since he...

It was pouring. I went home and was starving at the same time. I had no clue what to eat. I planned to buy food around my place but I recalled that I could not control what ingredients I would have in that food and how it would affect my body. So I decided to cook fried rice. So simple, all I needed was rice, salted butter, VCO, garlic, red pepper, shallot, spring onion, celery, salted soy sauce, a bit sugar, salt, and mushroom bouillon. I prepare two sunny side-up eggs too with no oil nor salt. Just the plain ones. I added two fresh tomatoes to improve the texture of crunchiness since I would not eat any chips. Voilà, yummy nasi goreng. Maybe this year's gonna be y last year as an unmarried woman lol. So next year, I'm not gonna enjoy it all by myself. Happiness and contentment could be shared when we're ready to share with commitment and mindfulness. Amen 😉

Silence is powerful, the fuel that keeps us to never stop observing things around us. Silence is powerful to keep peace in our soul in case one day we might forget about it. In silence, we will not bargain the sanity with anything that doubted our worth. Silence is powerful to set us free. We're free to choose the solitude that could never bother us even when we're alone. Silence is powerful to bring us consciousness over what we could control meanwhile out there, there are millions cases are beyond our control.  Silence is powerful so it reveals the road to acknowledge our deepest emotion. 

It was horrible watching the videos of fires in LA and NY these few days. It was devastating. The skies reflected the color of the fire, it's red, burning, and hopeless, unless for one thing, humanity.  It was so sick to read how people in the comments section compared this event to what is happening in Palestine. The Palestinians are suffering for not being treated as human, no independence, they barely know whether they are going to live and see the sun and their family in the next one hour. They seemed to get used to say goodbye in silent with improper funeral.  We can remember their passion without eliminating the humanity no matter how much we accused other powerful nations for not speaking up and standing strong to humanity. People said that what the Palestinians experience now is related to the Holocaust. But in the name of humanity, we simply cannot let one nation hurts and does genocide too as if revenging is the only way to cancel their nightmares long time ago....

I was watching the first episode of House, M.D.. It was showing a kindergarten teacher battled her disease that could kill her in weeks. There were five doctors, expertises, who attempted their utmost not only to give her the best treatment, but to cure her. They diagnosed her for a brain tumor, but it was false. They tried to find the other possible symptoms that could lead all the five doctors to draw a conclusion and decided to give her steroids with the highest level. She was getting better but in minutes, her condition was getting worse. Later they found out that she was keen to eat ham or pork but she didn't cook it properly that made the larvae of tapeworm stays in her body for years until it became a wake-up call for her system immune to overreact to the tapeworm in her brain.  This first episode displays the fact that we should take care of ourselves in detail, make sure of what we eat are healthy and good for our health, mental, and emotional sustainably. Cooking food pro...

It was a question I read on X, did love transform a person? Me saying yes, a hundred percent yes. Genuine love transforms me. Tonight was the first time to be an outdoorsy with a tube top. Genuine love makes me trust myself again, transforming this anxious girl into a confident girl.  I don't have a perfect body. My lower body is bulkier than my upper body. So I worked harder to train my shoulders, chest, back, and tricep each time I went to the gym. It's not yet awesome, but genuine love transforms me already to embrace my flaws. I want to be confident not for others, but for myself as a commitment to take care of myself for a better version of myself. Confidence has become a highlight this one year. Confidence is freeing. I don't care about people who talked shit behind my back, it's not my business. I will not let them occupy my mind, my heart, my sanity, my everything. My body is my authority and Allah grant me privilege to take care of it pretty well and I'm pr...

It wasn't our first moment when we both wore black and white outfit. It just matched our energy. I could say white and black are our official outfit colors. The simplicity represented honesty, modesty, yet clean at the same time. Even if that moment I frowned and it didn't sit well with you, deep down in my heart I was thrilled. When we were out for a date, once you asked why women love to bring a pouch or a handbag. Mi amor K, ladies kept what they needed there: tissue, lipstick, perfume, phone, charger, wallet, umbrella, sunglasses, hand sanitizer, and school certificate (lol I'm not serious). Surely we won't complicate our partner but ourselves. But overall, I respect your choice not to look at other gurls when we spent time together outdoor. Mi amor K, this romantic relationship won't go this far with only love, but also respect and trust. I will let you work even harder to keep the sparks alive. Much appreciated 🤍