Dum Medium Silentium

I planned to write a brief note about Kartini Day that we celebrated on 21st April, 2024. And yes, please wait until I gained my energy back so I will be able to write it peacefully 🤍

Next month, I'm going to turn 30. For me, it's a special number. I'm growing older, wiser, better. Living in my 20's means living for ambitions. I was afraid of doing nothing, waking up late on the weekdays, didn't have a lot to earn, had so little on my plate, being afraid not to choose to be stronger, being afraid not to take risks, being resilience when I fail, being afraid to love with no red flags, and many more. But this cheerful girl in fact was consumed by the lack of capability to deal with her stress language.  As the time goes by, from flight phase, to fawn phase, and keeping moving to freeze phase, I could feel the pain is real and I'm close to reality. From flight phase, I used to avoid the stress, I was afraid of people who looked for me. From fawn phase, I used to please people, I would do anything to make people happy as long as they never leave me. And from freeze phase, I used to confuse to decide what to do when the stress slapped my face that...

What the eye sees, the heart remembers So I destroy my sight to set free my heart Peace covered the earth, from one end to another Oceans need no more shores to make one swims yonder I pull better not harder The rope seems understanding and obedient Poison somehow must be taken as a lesson Ugliness must be valued as it is good Absence must be accepted Lamentation brings patience and endurance Love sets no more fire nor flood but only faith that's unconfined Palembang, 2024

:Vin Elk, Ars Magna, & Lady Loved* Lately, I have enjoyed writing a lot. Writing worked on me the way Dumbledore did while he was in Penseive, so he could experience his memories through other perspectives. He uses it to siphon the excess thoughts from his mind, pour them into the basin, and examine them at leisure. Writing has helped me to untangle my mind, examine what to deliver, communicate the messages verbally and non-verbally, and reflect on how this writing will evoke certain emotions or moods. Writing becomes the mirror that provides insight into who I am, what I desire, what I experience, what I value, and what I am not into. Writing becomes the language that deliberates my inner peace. On another level, writing could answer the quest that dwells in my mind.  I am glad to share what is significant for me right now. Being loved by the right person and people is heaven, and so is being respected, prioritized, supported, desired, and understood. The right person and peop...

Predisposing* Pipiku memerah tatkala kau menempelkan sepasang pipimu bergantian Ada lubang yang dangkal namun melengkung, membikin senyummu menjadi rahasia paling manis di tahun ini Aku berkelana, menyisir hutan yang melingkari alismu Angin yang sejuk turun dari kelopak mata, mendesir di sela-sela penglihatan yang belum juga mengabur bahkan ketika kantuk menjadi bahasa untuk semua cinta   Tak ada buah yang matang di usia kita ketika memasuki musim panen Buah yang merah pernah merekah di lipatan bibirmu, manis dan basah Daun yang hijau terlambat menguning dan gugur menuruni lipatan yang sempit di dada Meski telah kau kubur berbagai musim dalam setahun penuh di perutmu, kenangan yang menyalakan api di sekitar perkemahan malam hari terus terang, menjaga sumbu yang kecil di ujung jari, memercikkan bisikan-bisikan mungil hingga mengalir di sepanjang kolam kehidupan Ucapmu, airnya bermuara ke nadi, jalur yang lebih panjang dari lintasan ekspor impor   Maka, di hari-hari yang terasa ...

2024 becomes a new chapter for almost everyone who chooses to stand tall amongst the sorrows, the tears, the loath, the love, the joy, the cheers, the sacrifices, the sincerity, the tranquility, and not forget to mention the commitment over losing and winning. Minutes become hours, and hours turn into days, weeks, and months, which means there will always be new experiences.  It's still in the second week of March, and people come and go. There are oodles things to learn to support the growth and minimize the fear. Every step is watched and every move is made. And I am still here, to be grateful for my Dad's latest health condition that shows improvement, and for the return of my beloved man to Jakarta from his country. Both of them were battling one of their most uneasy fights. Little did I know of their struggles for I was not in that arena yet. But as a woman who genuinely values their efforts, I learned to not give up, put myself together, and allow the sun to rise in my ey...

:K It's going to be five months soon, this 2nd March. To rekindle is to redefine what cheers our spirit up. We redefine what reunion is all about after in silence manifesting the abundance for ourselves, yup I meant for me and him. Our reunion is far from lovey-dovey. It's more of being available for each other anytime one needs support. People might think we are rekindling to pay off the lust and to create a greater flame in our hearts. The fact is that the flame stays the same, it shines not burns.  I am much obliged to the man who keeps the red roses spring in my heart, yet June hasn't come. Each time he reassured me that new days were coming. The contentment is everlasting, the joy is in the air. He asked, "Can you feel the difference? My heartbeat, the walls, and the words I was trying to tell you, all are rhyming together in tune. They speak melody. I sing for you. I have been waiting for you in my arms."  To the man who stares into my eyes in awe, we're...