Ad Moira Natus Sum

It all started when I sat on the edge of my bed. The feeling of longing people I love, overflew me. I wanted to see my fiancé sleeping next to me, and when I wake up, I'll be getting up excitedly and say this, "Hey babe, we're married finally!" Lol.

I also long for my Mum, her yummy food for breakfast that comforts my belly. I long for my Dad, who will check up on me every morning before I open my eyes. He will draw the curtain, turn off the AC, turn the light on, remove the blanket from my feet. I long for my sister who will cook the lunch spicy especially with her 'Padang sauce'. I long for my brother, who will ask new books to read but as soon as he open and read the first page, he will say, "This is hard. I'll take my time. Now, time to play." Lol

This morning, behind my window, the glaring sun is dancing. The heart-warming rays hugs me tight. "Is this weekend? My back is aching. My body is aching all over. I still have a lot on my plate. I cannot say let's call it a day. Not when I haven't even started it yet."

I looked at the girl in the mirror. Her baby hair is growing. "Aha, that's because you eat a lot, and with much better and healthier side dishes. But look at the triceps, the lower belly, and the thighs. They're bulking. I have to do something. Since it also affects how I breathe and stand up after sitting down."

I stare at the ceiling. I close my eyes to simply pray to Allah, "O Allah, You're the only One who will protect me, send me guidance, grant me kindness and sustenance. The love You give me, will never fade away. O Allah, let me do something as an ikhtiar. Let me attempt to do my best first to turn my body fit again. 

I decided to consume a better vitamin, do exercise at least 4 to 5 days a week, maintain my energy with enough sleep, regulate my stress and anxiety since it affects me a lot with stomachache.

I scrolled on my social media. One of my friends told me she officially open a preschool and a daycare. I congratulate her and at the same time I kinda wonder, "When is my turn to run my own preschool and sensory class?" This question to be honest leads me to many more questions. 

First, what way of learning fits best to my future preschool? The second, the third, and so on, it keeps coming to my head. I put myself together, inhaled and exhaled, started to make daily plan for this one month. My schedule is packed. I need to nail it with a healthy body. 

By the time I scrolled on my screen again, I stumbled upon two feeds that showed the making of art step by step. That's inspiring, I wish I could present it to my tiny fellas and work to make our selfmade art and craft with multiple objectives. That sounds beautiful right? 

Au lieu of having side hustle that requires my 100% presence, I promise to myself to do my best, to do what I need to do, to do at least one thing so that the other person will not do anything, keep learning about things that beg me to marinate myself into it. 

Maybe I don't know who I am right now, but I will know until tomorrow comes. Ad Moira Natus Sum. I was born for things greater, for a bigger dream and task, at least than yesterday. 

Bismillah.

So, I tried to order vitamins for the next one month, reschedule my gym time, eat more often with smaller servings, I plan to get my new sport leggings too. I want to