Acceptance

What does it mean to accept? To accept means to recognize and to acknowledge reality as it is. Reality could be painful or beautiful. In the context of trying our best, acceptance means we're totally ok to not feel ok, and that we acknowledge that to try our best is a must, it's our responsibility as it is a part of ikhtiar, and that we begin to live with the truth. 

This one year, maybe the next one year too, is going to be the restless years. The season to juggle, that's what my fiance told me. He also added, that to accept is to understand the restless years are temporary, it ain't permanent as long as we walk hand in hand. 

These two months, after my fiance's flight for his Masters, we didn't really talk much about love. Adjustment was and is our main topic recently. It could be stressful and yeah, there will always be hard moment at the beginning. When we adjust, we face the truth, we let ourselves to feel, and adjust to a new normal. 

The time gap of 6 hours is also a lot. I couldn't imagine if my fiance decided to fly to Canada, since it has 12 to 13 hours gap. In the neck of my wood it would be morning, while in the neck of hims, would be evening. Hou la la, Earth is indeed a huge planet innit? 

Oh anyway, accepting isn't merely about this LDR, it also applies to what I feel right now. I am that small if I compare myself to other people. But my mentor came and reminded me how courageous I am to make a bigger step and impact to stand tall in the class guiding so many people (that are basically greater than me). With her wisdom, she stated that this is my first year, there will be thousands of adjustment. One day, I will not need to worry anymore about how people value me. The way I value myself does matter too. 

This period of time, I'm still trying my best to get the pdf file of the unpublished journal written by Anna Maria Maccheroni, Maria Montessori's colleague in teaching music by using Montessori method. Her book, Orecchi, Voce, Occhio, and Mano, is the journal I need the most to prepare my Music and Movement in Montessori training class. One day, I would be fly to Amsterdam and come for a visit to AMI library, where I could see and marinate myself more to this unpublished journal. It's so enlightening! Amen, insya Allah.