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Riddle Me


: ars magna

mencintaimu adalah berdamai dengan diri
antara sengit pagi dan malam
tiada putus

kadang aku menjumpai kabut
begitu tebal dan pekat

namun dalam diri
masih ada kesengitan yang belum juga beringsut
menodongkan satu persatu mata tombak
mengacungkan matanya yang runcing

namun dalam diri
aku berdamai dengan mencintaimu
keluasan yang terus bergerak
bergejolak kemana semesta menggiringnya
                                   kemarin ke laut hari ini ke pantai
                                   besok di hadapanku sambil memantrai langit
                                   yang sejuk untuk diam sementara
                                   memayungi kepala yang belum juga dingin
                                   sebab nestapa, bagai api yang mengaum
                                  di ujung cakar
aku menyala dalam sepi

dan kesunyian yang kerap mencemaskan kejadian yang belum tiba
tentang hari-hari yang singkat pukul satu dinihari
kemudian berakhir dalam dua hari berikutnya
merayap dengan cepat di kelindan mataku
melesat seperti bayangan yang tidak terikat ruang maupun waktu
menjelma portal dengan pintu keluar masuk
setengah persegi
berputar, mendekat, dan menjauh
menyedot segenap perhatian

atau barangkali lusa
kepada lubang luka yang masih mengantre untuk diziarahi perihnya

namun ini hanya tubuh
tempat kefanaan membikin rumahnya
lalu berlindung diri

kesengitan
menciptakan cinta yang baru dalam diri
kesemuan yang sama
kejenuhan ketika menunggu
di bangku pasien rumah sakit

resep dokter dan obat bius menjelma tiket liburan terpanjang
kedamaian yang luas

di kota ini
langit biru dipenuhi asap pembakaran
kenangan yang menciderai
kepalsuan yang kamu cemaskan

sedang tatkala matamu memandang ke arah sana
ada yang tidak pernah lepas begitu saja
tentang dunia kekal yang kamu ciptakan dalam sekotak rubrik
orang-orangan plastik, dan impian yang dibangun
dari setiap kata di buku
                                 tentang penculikan dan pembunuhan karakter
                                 di sebuah restoran cepat saji
                                 ngilu persendian di musim hujan
                                 anak-anak yang terkapar di ruang inap
                                 dan kamu
                                 menjadi fana

pemandangan yang mengabur saat senja terlihat begitu manis dari balik kamera ponsel
sebab dalam cahaya dirimu kosong
dan akan kembali mencintai
berdamai dengan sengit
diri yang beradu selamanya

riddle me
riddle me

Jekardah, Februari 2019

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