Dum Medium Silentium

When I pray for a flower bed God pours the rain with abundance But I will pray for an umbrella too And a man, a friend, a brother, a lover, a partner of life, a better half who willingly holds it for me while I do my utmost to take care of the flowers and myself Till it blooms on sunny days

The main themes for each year 2020 - pandemic, letting go, surrender, anxiety, invention, depression, betrayal, Italian food 2021 - teamwork, hope, vaccine, Italian food, people pleaser, hardworking, disappointment, letting go what doesn't serve me anymore, depressed, hard conversation, split, move on 2022 - healing, making plans, appointments with psychologists, false hope, broken heart, move on, blaming myself and others, seeking validation, betrayal, self love, meeting new people, photography, 2023 - fitness, new routine, falling in love, Montessori, self love, family, guilt, African food indecisiveness, failing to set boundaries, scared of failure, anger, manipulation, split, psychologist, hope, independence, redefining who I am, falling in love again, forgiveness, trust, adjustment to LDR, free from alcohol, cooking 2024 - family, gain my strength, self love, positivity, silence is gold, focus on becoming a better version of myself, gratitude, stress, peace, fitness, disciplin...

 :grandmas /1/ Little did I know grandma that today the sun was burning my skin till red And just this morning I saw her enjoying the meal in peace.  I joined her  I pulled the chair with impatience but it would never distract her from the joy   This sunny day made the flowers bloom in her eyes She was reborn from a restful night and I envy her The motionless ocean danced on her skin, Stories in odor unfolded:  The top notes whispered, "It was jasmin with its tiny petals dancing equinoctially in her bedroom." Her magical smile turned into cloves From her teacup, she slowly sipped the sweetness  and embraced her eighty-first luck  Then she wondered, "Do you know how to mend a heart?" She had to let her soul, my mother's father, go She did not complain From her voice, wisdom shared  With a hint of betel leaf, life offered her respect.  /2/ Yesterday was rainy and bathed me wet What about tomorrow, will it be cloudy and mute all the colors like ...

I'm on cloud nine! Guess why... That's because I could complete the task to prepare the healthy meals today for 31 kids and 8 adults for a holiday program. Lol humble brag feels so good. I didn't work alone to prepare everything. I had a great team and they were amazing. We planned to prepare healthy sandwich. All we needed was bread, lettuce with sesame seed sauce (basically a bit smoky and sour), sweet minced chicken and mushroom, savory mashed eggs with mayonnaise for baby, and cheese slice. We paired all the flavors and tried to enhance the texture as well. But it wasn't perfect yet. It would be an ultimate sandwich if we used fresh sourdough for it's fluffy yet firm and it has rich flavor. Only if we had extra time, we would toast it so it wouldn't get soggy. And the last but not the least, we were all on the same page to drizzle truffle oil onto the mashed eggs with mayonnaise. That's alright, imperfection led us to improve. Lots of colleagues wanted t...

Last two days wasn't simple. I entered my bedroom and started to complain, "Why there's no one seemed to understand and listen to me? All of us has two ears but one mouth seemed louder and enough to create deafening sound that forced everything to lend their ears with no willingness."  I slammed the door. I threw my bag to the floor. I punched the wall that if they could talk, they would shout at me to stop. I kept punching the wall several times to mute the fire of the anger that burned my heart and head. The way I punched the wall was enough to break the bones of my hands into pieces. I might not show people that I was furious. I would just hide it till I found my safest place, I would resume to lose my sanity.  My chest was aching. My hand was numb. I found out that being destructive, would create a bigger pain than the anger did. That's when I gained the logical thinking back, I commenced holding the horse.  I moved backwards. I landed my feet on the bed and l...

Eating with no burning sensation and soft food brought me a new experience lately this 6 weeks, since I have to deal with creating savory food that satisfied my tongue, my brain, and my belly. I resume to get used eating without overwhelming my mouth. It reduced the cough, acnes on my skin, and the heartburn. I attempted to sip a cup of coffee yesterday, at least it didn't trigger the stomach acid to travel up into the throat.  So lemme share one of my favorite comfort foods. It took around 15 mins of cooking and the ingredients are one e-commerce platform that delivers fresh produce away. For one serving, you will need garlic, a pinch of cummin, a thin sliced of ginger, two tomatoes, lobster fish sauce, salted soy bean, 100ml of water, salt, sugar, mushroom bouillon, coriander leaves, and three omega eggs. This time I'm more into coconut oil, not vegetable oil. In addition my mouth couldn't resist the blend of perfection from the egg white which is still soft, creamy, no c...

I thank everyone who comes into my life. I believe our meeting is neither unexpected nor coincidence. It is designed by the Universe in devine timing. The chapters of life seems colorful and they celebrate my existence. If they were books, they would be my go-to book to read, wherever I'd go.  Today is a wonderful day. I could meet my man (the picky eater who fonds of lamb meat, oil based liquid soap and lotion, who's good at maintaining fabrics that are white, who never woke me up when I was sleeping even when he rang me and noticed the phone call would wake me up, he would say sorry and let me hit the hay again, who never let me sleep late, who respects my opinion and listen without judging, who displays peace even when we had hard convos, who shared his dreams for us, who lend me his ears when I need someone to talk to, who's always excited to welcome my parents for silaturrahmi), I meet my boss at the gym (she spent time at the gym for swimming with her family, she call...