Dum Medium Silentium

Whenever I feel dumb, I shall remember that I am a teacher and a lecturer at the same time. It's bloody hard and I know I shall never step back. I walk this journey not by myself, not with myself, but with all of my willingness to climb up mountains. I want to see more from the world, I want to fly far as it is my free will. I want to create my opportunity. I am not going to do it by myself, I have Allah, family, fiance, friends, and these walking legs and working hands. Dear Mutiah, each time you feel that you are dying, remember that you have no time to die. The time you have is only for trying, never stopping. Fatigue and exhaustion are parts of life, so learn to rest. Be friend with black coffee since you know how it finally supports your brain work better. Learn to munch more fruits and veggies for a healthier digestive system. Remember, a well-regulated stress is actually required for this journey. Ain't no mountains so tiny. Allah gives you more than anything you have ev...

Several times I asked my fiance why he rarely gave me flowers, chocolate, cake, and other things related to sweet things linked to Valentine's Day. And I think I got the answer now. I love to observe people, even somehow my awareness gone with no trace lol. I think it was rooted from his culture as well. He's patient enough to do house chores even if he had a lot to prepare for his works. Several times I went to his house, and I was amazed by how clean and neat it was. He has no housekeeper to assist him doing those stuff, he did it by himself. Tried to wipe my finger on his cabinet or tv, and I found nothing. You know, when we cooked together, he didn't ask and force me to help. He needed me to just watch him dancing while cooking, listen to him singing song he composed by himself, and to show off how he seasoned the food so it would taste incredibly delicious. He also taught me how to take care of white blouse and T-shirt effortlessly. Unfortunately, since I had a lot on ...

There will always be the first time for everyone. The first time to hear, the first time to feel, the first time to move, the first time to breathe and cry, the first time to drink, the first time to eat, the first time to respond, the first time to play, the first time to play together and solve the very own problem, the first time to enter school, the first time to teach, the first time to talk and engage with numerous audience, the first to be and do anything. . .till it becomes one day. . .the thing that was hard and challenging, could become a piece of cake. It takes courage, it takes sweat and tears, it takes sleepless nights, it takes restless days, it takes commitment, it takes everything. Maybe it takes your happiness away either. It may seem scary and it may seem crazy. It requires self and stress management. I always have choices amongst these options. I commence to reflect. Back then, I love to  compare people, wether it would be worth it or not at all. I compare A to B...

This one week, my mind buzzed. I know I had a lot to express. I always feel the urge to talk to people and barely know when to stop. I love creating world with words. Words are playground to me. Sometime I could slide, hop, roll forward, slither, or simply sit and watching people passing by. It's not a bout fun, but it's the awareness of creating more and more. I will try to invest 1 hour each day to write, to think, to get lost, to be found, to express, and write again. Over and over. I hope there will be more people connect and read me. Insya Allah 🤍

What does it mean to accept? To accept means to recognize and to acknowledge reality as it is. Reality could be painful or beautiful. In the context of trying our best, acceptance means we're totally ok to not feel ok, and that we acknowledge that to try our best is a must, it's our responsibility as it is a part of ikhtiar, and that we begin to live with the truth.  This one year, maybe the next one year too, is going to be the restless years. The season to juggle, that's what my fiance told me. He also added, that to accept is to understand the restless years are temporary, it ain't permanent as long as we walk hand in hand.  These two months, after my fiance's flight for his Masters, we didn't really talk much about love. Adjustment was and is our main topic recently. It could be stressful and yeah, there will always be hard moment at the beginning. When we adjust, we face the truth, we let ourselves to feel, and adjust to a new normal.  The time gap of 6 hou...

For sure it's truely personal to answer the inquiry. What does this year, 2025, really mean to me? It means chances. I was able to run the sensory class, experiment the small things with my little friend in the class, become healthier, become more confidence, choose love with awareness, become a learning partner of teachers and parents, have a better understanding in finance, to love and to rest, and to complain less. I know it isn't easy. And Allah will not test me more than I could bear.  In many nights, I had lack of sleep. The storms hit my mind, the thunder pounded my anger, and sometimes the whispers of stepping backward spoke louder. In many nights, Allah woke me up for a couple of sujud. Sometimes I would respond, and the other nights I would go back to sleep ignoring His calls. Many times I saddened Him, but His love never ceases showering me. That's the proof of unconditional love.  Today I woke up with headache. I took aspirin, it helped. I know the headache sent...